Moving Past Judgment

Judgment is real, people. 

Not that this is anything new.  I’m as guilty as you are here.   I suppose you can argue that a bit of judgment is healthy—judgment helps us define who we are, what we like, how we dress, what art is on our walls, the type of job we strive for, the type of music we listen to.  Sure, judgment in that sense can be good.

We also need to use our judgment to discern how to handle different situations.  How you are going to best respond and react to an uncooperative toddler, an upset customer, a medical emergency, or even how to problem-solve creating your next art project.  All of these issues require using our best judgment to navigate the easiest or most effective way to the best solution.

The type of judgment I am concerned about is when it gets personal.  When you can’t get through a day without internalizing judgment about yourself, another person, a group of people, or a situation—this is when judgment becomes not only unproductive, but downright destructive if you don’t recognize it and take steps to correct it.  I’m not talking about your internal dialogue when you see someone cross the street and you’re like ‘girrrl, that outfit is all kinds of wrong on you!’ and then the next song comes on and you have forgotten all about her style-gone-wrong.

I’m talking about the deep-rooted judgment that you feel gives you permission to isolate yourself from those who don’t see things the way you do, or don’t look or act like you do.  Maybe their bank account looks different than yours or they live a different lifestyle than you, or they belong to the opposing political party.  It is okay to not agree with people, but it is not okay to take your judgment to a level where your anger over your differences keeps you from finding joy in your day.  It is not okay let your judgment get to a point where it leads every conversation in order to create opportunities for those around you to continually “prove” to you that they are the “enemy” you were afraid they were all along. 

When you are at a point when you can’t let someone’s comment go and it ruins your day because your judgment only allows you to see it one way, it’s time to accept that you have a problem with judgment.

I don’t mean to come across as harsh.  But I see so much of this type of judgment going on these days, primarily centered around politics.  How can we possibly expect this to be productive in any way?  Throwing around hater-ade won’t solve any problems; not your own, not your neighbors, and definitely not any of the world’s problems!  If politics is your rant, and you just can’t stand what the other side is doing, and all you do is put down those in office and everyone else in that party, how can you not see: you are simply circulating the negativity!  While your anger may make you feel like you are being a good citizen, just spouting off about the latest presidential tweet or the ongoing investigation is not doing anything but annoy those around you at best. Do you preach that you just want our political parties to work together and that is what the government is all about?  How fair is it to expect our elected officials to do this, when you can’t do it yourself?

While I have focused on politics here, this type of judgment can be found in all aspects of life.  You may have a coworker that does nothing but put down every new policy in the office.  While she may be friendly on the surface, no one wants to work with her anymore because all she does once she gets you in conversation is to gossip negativity and judgment. 

Please, don’t be a Nancy!

As with any addiction, the first step is always recognizing you have a problem.  If you aren’t sure, pose the question “am I too judgmental?” to your closest friend or loved one and ask for an honest answer.  Our friends often know us better than we know ourselves!

If they say yes….  Where do you start? 

There isn’t a super quick answer to this question.  You need to start with a deep dive into the WHY of your judgment.  If your answer to why is “isn’t it obvious?  Our government has gone to hell!” you haven’t really acknowledged how serious your judgment is, and you definitely haven’t taken the time to really think about what is causing you to internalize your discontent to the point where you are taking it so seriously that you’re judging everyone else who doesn’t see things exactly as you do and who aren’t as angry as you are.

So, friend, if you want to change, don’t be afraid to DIVE DEEP!  Yeah, it can be really uncomfortable when you realize your issues are really about YOU and not about THEM!  (Every time you point your finger you have three fingers pointing back at you....)

THE ONLY way to create change in the world is to create change within you.

I believe this firmly and with all my heart.  I had to go through this too.  You can read more about it here if you’d like.  Ultimately, the point I am trying to get across is that we all have a choice in how we want to live our lives and how we want to experience the world.  You can choose to judge everyone you don’t agree with, or you can choose not to.  It really is as simple as that.  Yes, it took me almost 40 years to really understand that, and it is something that I still need refreshing on from time to time.  But living in anger and judgment is ultimately a waste of precious time.  So instead of spending so much of your energy on something negative, choose to spend that time more wisely!  Focus on yourself—do things that make you smile, get you excited, and make you a better person!  If you feel like you can’t let your judgment and anger go, decide to fuel it in a positive direction by finding a way to make a difference in the world around you.  

To quote Abraham Hicks, “People say, ‘well isn’t that just putting your head in the sand?  Isn’t that just carving out this little nice world for yourself, leaving all the others out there to deal with whatever it is they’re dealing with?’  We say, well it might be that, but the alternative doesn’t work anyway!...You can’t get sick enough to help a sick person get well, you can’t get poor enough to help poor people be prosperous, [and] you can’t get mean enough to help mean people be nice, you see….You can’t find the answers when you are so focused on the problem!  So, is it appropriate to feel the sting of injustice?  Of course it’s appropriate.  That’s part of the sifting of the contrast!  You couldn’t give birth to the brighter better world if you didn’t see some of it that isn’t so good. ”

In other words, it's okay to be happy despite all of the problems in the world.  You just have to choose happiness, and then decide to view the world from that standpoint instead.  Moving forward, please understand: a belief is just a belief—one that we chose, consciously or not, at a certain point in our lives for reasons that suited us at the time.  It is okay and it is possible to change our beliefs when they are no longer serving us or when they become destructive. 

“Do not lose faith in humanity.  Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”  --Mahatma Gandhi

Please take this to heart.  Every time you get stuck in judgment, please remember to see the good and beauty in the whole, rather than focusing on the few dirty drops.

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As an herbalist, my recommendations for anyone who wants to address anger issues would be to support the liver.  Often when we have unreasonable anger, there is liver stagnation.  Consider a mild support such as milk thistle or possibly a liver cleanse under the supervision of your trusted health practitioner.  Flower essences can also be an incredibly effective way to address energetic patterns and belief systems.  Consider ­­­­­­­­­­­­­Gorse, Honeysuckle, Willow and Beech.

My favorite stones to help you focus on the positive and support shifting your mindset are angel aura quartz and rose quartz.  Angel aura quartz will help you connect to your joy while keeping you grounded.  It will also help you approach your relationships from a place of love rather than resentment or judgment.  Wearing it around your neck will support your throat chakra so you can speak calmly from your heart space.  Rose quartz is another great stone for healing, love, and calming the heart chakra so you can view your experiences from a loving standpoint.  Find angel aura quartz and rose quartz in my Angelic Collection and my RAW for Beauty Collection!